


The Call of the Sea

by NoOneKnowsIWriteThis



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: A lot of Julian's canon flirtations with women make an appearance, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Dysphoria, Child Abuse, Family, Gen, Identity, Kidnapping, M/M, Selkies, Set in Canon but Julian is a Selkie, Shapeshifting, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2019-08-14 10:38:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16490978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis/pseuds/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis
Summary: Julian Bashir has never felt quite right in his body. That's because, unbeknownst to him, he's a Selkie trapped in Human form.During his posting to DS9, can he unravel the secret of his identity, find his real family, and perhaps even win the love of the station's suspicious Cardassian tailor?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: This whole fic has a lot of body dysphoria in it. It's not gender related, but there's a lot of feeling trapped in the wrong shape.
> 
> This prologue has the worst of the abuse in it. You can read the fic without the prologue, so if that bothers you, skip to the next chapter.

He'd brought the small Human back to the shore like his parents had taught him to do. Humans weren't nearly as good swimmers as Selkies and they were quite prone to drowning. Selkies rarely drowned even in their humanoid form. The water was their home, no matter what form they took.

Two older Humans soon found the body. The woman began to weep and the man began to curse. Judging by their reactions the seal-child had been too late: the young Human had been dead when he was pulled from the water.

The seal-child was curious and decided to get a closer look. He swam a little ways away and removed his seal skin, changing forms from a young seal to a young boy. He wrapped his skin around himself like his parents had taught him to do. Humans often reacted poorly to the sudden appearance of a nude stranger.

He crept closer so he could better hear what the Humans were saying.

“After all the trouble we've already gone to,” the man grumbled. “If this was going to happen, it should have happened  _ before  _ we made the arrangements for Adigeon Prime. What are we supposed to do now?”

The woman looked at the man sadly. “Richard, can't you put that aside for a moment? Jules is  _ dead _ .”

“Yes, and he's left us with a right mess. An appointment with no patient,” the man complained.

They continued on like this while the seal-child snuck closer and closer. He didn't notice that the man had fallen silent until it was too late.

The man grabbed him. The seal-child wailed and struggled to break free, but it was no use.

“Amsha, look! He looks just like-”

“Jules!” the woman exclaimed.

Between the two of them the Humans managed to bring the struggling seal-child to a small cottage and lock him in a room.

It wasn't until much later, when the seal-child’s voice was hoarse from yelling and his body was exhausted from trying to find a way out, that the Humans re-entered the room. The man held him down while the woman pulled his seal skin away. Once they had his skin, they left.

Now the seal-child was frantic. They'd taken his skin from him, and without his skin he couldn't transform, he couldn't go home. He threw himself against the door again and again, ignoring the pain that blossomed on his side.

Then suddenly a new kind of pain engulfed him. The seal-child felt as if he was burning alive. His skin felt like it was on fire. He shrieked in agony, his body twisting and contorting in pain. Eventually the pain became so great that he blacked out.

When he woke up he was lying in a bed wearing a set of soft pajamas and a woman was pressing a cool wet cloth to his forehead. He felt too warm.

The woman noticed that he was awake and smiled.

“Jules, thank goodness.”

He frowned. Was he Jules? It didn't feel right, but his memory was so fuzzy…

“What-” He stopped, startled by the thin, whispery sound of his own voice.

“You've been very sick. Your father and I were so worried about you.” She held a glass of water to his lips. “Here. Drink.”

He did as he was bid, finding the cool water to be a soothing balm for his parched and aching throat and his too hot body.

“The worst of your fever seems to be past,” the woman said gently, brushing his sweat-slicked hair off of his forehead. “Don’t worry, Jules. Everything is going to be alright now.”

A few weeks later he was whisked away to Adigeon Prime.

\--

The family didn’t return to Earth after the surgery. Instead they moved to a spaceship, and when that didn’t work out they moved to a space station and then a planet, always leaving to follow Richard Bashir’s latest enterprise.

One thing that remained constant for Jules was a sense of restlessness. He never quite felt comfortable within his own skin, and he could never explain why, to his endless frustration. There was just a perpetual feeling of wrongness, of being trapped, of being limited in some way.

And then there was the sea. Whenever the Bashir family settled down on a planet, Jules always inexplicably found himself drawn to the sea. He longed to swim in it and could often be found gazing out the window to stare forlornly at the waves, which usually led to his father scolding him that he should be studying rather than daydreaming and threatening to lock Jules away if he couldn’t focus.

Jules wasn’t allowed to go near the sea. If he raised the idea to his mother, she became fretful and over attentive. If he raised the idea to his father, it generally led to shouting and fights and threats to move the whole family to the middle of a desert where Jules would never see the sea again.

\--

Jules was thirteen when he learned that he loved to swim.

His parents had left him at a boarding school while Richard chased his latest new career. As Jules wandered the halls, exploring his new home, he discovered the pool. He replicated a swimsuit and slipped into the water.

Swimming came naturally to Jules. He couldn’t explain when he’d learned how to swim. He just instinctively knew how to move through the water. It was as easy as breathing, and yet something felt off about it.

Still it was the closest he’d ever come to feeling truly at home in his own body, and soon he was sneaking off to spend every spare moment in the pool. His talent didn’t go unnoticed and it wasn’t long before Jules was recruited for the school’s swim team.

Rather than being delighted at the news of their son’s accomplishment, Jules’s parents seemed apprehensive when he told them via subspace. Jules frowned at the screen and demanded they tell him why they didn’t want him to swim.

“When you were very young,” Amsha began gently, “almost seven, we went to a seaside cottage.” She hesitated, but surprisingly Richard didn’t cut in. Instead Amsha was allowed to continue. “You nearly drowned. We almost lost you. You...you were very sick afterwards, delirious with fever.” Amsha became choked up and glanced away.

“We’re concerned for you,” Richard added. “Maybe we’re being a little overprotective, but can you blame us?”

Jules could barely remember the cottage by the sea and he couldn’t remember almost drowning, but he could vaguely remember the hot chill of the fever and waking up with no recollection of where he was.

In the end Jules’s parents weren’t the reason he stopped swimming. He would do that on his own.

\--

When Jules was fifteen he discovered some of what had happened to him when he was six. He discovered a record of the trip to Adigeon Prime.

He confronted his parents, who admitted that they’d gotten doctors to play god with his genetics. Richard Bashir in particular had been defiantly proud of his actions.

That was when the fifteen year old decided that he was not Jules. Jules Bashir was who he’d been before Adigeon Prime, before the alterations had been made. He was Julian now.

The change was easy enough to make, with everyone except his parents at least. The next time the family moved and Julian had to change schools, he introduced himself as Julian, shedding the old nickname his parents continued to try to force onto him.

The worst part was that Julian felt like discovering this secret should have explained everything, and yet it offered no explanation for the constant feeling of being trapped within his own skin.

\--

After learning about his enhancements, Julian turned away from intellectual pursuits and focused instead entirely on swimming. For a time it almost made him feel better.

And yet there was still something wrong with him, with his body. Soon swimming was doing nothing to ease the feeling that he was in the wrong shape, in fact it was starting to make it worse. That sense of things being slightly off that he’d always felt when swimming began to chafe more and more until he could no longer stand it.

Everything came to a head when shortly after a swim meet that he’d done quite well in, Julian rushed back to his room as quickly as possible and was unable to stop the tears from welling up and overflowing from his eyes.

He cried until he was so exhausted that he fell asleep and woke up the next morning with a headache and aching eyes.

Julian quit the swim team and didn’t swim again until he was at Starfleet Academy.

\--

A few years into his time at the Academy, before Felix would end up dropping out to focus instead on making holoprograms, a group of Julian's friends decided to go on a trip to the beach. Julian went with them.

As he stood on the shore the call of the sea was almost palpable. He ached with the urge to dive in and disappear among the waves. Instead, frightened by the overwhelming urge to swim away, he decided to keep his feet firmly planted on dry land. It was easy enough to justify. Most of his friends were organizing a game and he, naturally, joined in. But he kept stealing glances at the sea.

That turned out to be rather fortunate because he happened to spot a young girl beginning to drown. Instinctively, Julian abandoned the game and dove into the sea. He swam out to the girl and carried her back to shore.

Still in shock at his own actions, Julian handed the girl’s care over to one of his fellow medical students. The girl lived.

When Julian’s friends took him to celebrate that rescue, Julian followed them mechanically. All the while his mind was thrown off-kilter by the memory of how, after bringing the girl to safety, he’d nearly given into his longing and run back into the sea.

\--

While Julian was in medical school, one of his friends invited him to see a performance of the ballet Swan Lake. Julian found himself paying particular attention during the scenes with the swan maiden characters. The swan maidens were magical creatures who could transform between Human and swan forms at will, unlike the poor Princess Odette, who had been cursed into her swam form.

After the show, while Julian’s friend waited by the stage door, Julian found himself chatting with one of the dancers who'd played a swan maiden. She asked him if he'd like to go on a date in a few days and he accepted. That was how Julian became involved with Palis Delon.

They dated for a time, but Palis was tied to Earth and Julian hoped that the constant travel and excitement of Starfleet would help soothe the feelings of restlessness within him, so their relationship came to an end.

A few short months afterwards, Julian was on a ship traveling to his first posting as CMO of Deep Space 9.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian's life on the station finally begins. This covers events through episode 1x07 - Q-Less.

After Julian’s exciting initial encounter with Garak, the suspected Cardassian spy, the two of them began to meet for lunch every week.

“I’m just not sure I understand the point,” Julian stated with a frown as he skewered another bit of salad onto his fork, making sure to get a shrimp on there this time.

Garak let out an exasperated sigh. “The point, dear doctor, was that by getting Nikal to go to medical school rather than join the military, Marella ensured that her daughter would be serving the Cardassian state to the best of her abilities. Nikal had the potential to be an incredible doctor, but she had no head for military strategy and would have been a glinn at best.”

“But Nikal could have compromised, become a military doctor. She wanted the action more than the actual fighting,” Julian countered.

“And wasted her talents tending to disruptor blasts when she could have been preventing plagues? No offense to you, of course,” Garak added quickly with a smile and a tilt of his head.

“None taken,” Julian replied, waving his hand to dismiss the idea.

“Pardon me for a moment,” Garak said, getting to his feet, “but if you’re going to persist in this wrongheaded argument, I’m going to need a stronger drink.”

Julian nodded. He didn't have long to wait before Garak returned holding a mug that produced a very strong aroma.

“What's that?” Julian asked curiously.

“This is rokassa juice,” Garak replied. “It's a common morning drink on Cardassia. I find it very soothing, though outside of Cardassians most humanoids find the smell unpleasant.”

Julian raised an eyebrow and grinned. “Well this humanoid doesn't. What's in it?”

Garak gave him a slightly amused look before answering simply “Fish juice.”

“That explains it,” Julian replied, pulling back with a nod. “I love seafood.” He gestured to his plate and his nearly finished salad with extra added shrimp. “Perhaps I'll try rokassa juice sometime.”

“If you like,” Garak said with a smile. “Now, I believe you were going to explain why Marella should have let her daughter throw away her talents to become a nursemaid to wounded soldiers.”

\--

Julian discovered how accurate Garak's comment about most humanoids disliking the smell of rokassa juice when he ordered it while waiting for a senior staff meeting. Jadzia wrinkled her nose at the smell. O'Brien gave Julian's mug a look of distaste. However it was Kira's reaction that convinced Julian to limit drinking rokassa juice to his lunches with Garak or his private quarters.

“Are you drinking _ rokassa juice?!” _ she exclaimed in disgust.

“Um, yes?” Julian replied, feeling very self-conscious and struck with sudden awareness that drinking rokassa juice was clearly not something normal Humans did.

“Did you ever  _ think, _ even for a moment, of how disrespectful you’re being? The Occupation has barely ended and you’re already cozying up to Cardassians and drinking their disgusting drink.”

“I didn’t mean any disrespect,” Julian reassured quickly. “I just like the taste.” Judging by the offended and furious look that appeared on Kira’s face, that had only made things worse. Julian sheepishly got to his feet and went back to the replicator. “I’ll get something else,” he said, watching the barely touched mug of rokassa juice disappear and be replaced with the more socially acceptable choice of Tarkalean tea.

After the meeting concluded, Julian rushed to catch Kira in the hallway.

“Major, I feel I should apologize,” he began.

She gave him a hard look. “Yes. You should.”

Feeling abashed, Julian cleared his throat. “Yes, well… I’m sorry. I didn’t think through how my beverage choice might impact your feelings. I’ll try to be more aware in the future.”

Kira exhaled through her nose in a sort of frustrated sigh. “Rokassa juice has a very distinctive odor, one that’s linked to a lot of bad memories for many Bajorans. You should be careful where you drink it.”

“Thank you, major. I’ll keep that in mind,” Julian said with a nod and a tentative smile.

“You do that,” Kira replied, then she turned on her heel and marched away.

\--

Julian's infatuation with Dax and his interest in Garak weren't going to stop him from flirting with someone as fascinating as Vash. Especially since he didn't seem to be getting anywhere with the former and was still undecided on what to do about the latter.

Julian was delighted when Vash accepted his dinner invitation and seemed open to the possibility of more. He decided to stop by the replimat for a cup of mint tea to soothe away his nerves while he waited for Vash. However, instead of just getting the tea, the waiter Julian was dealing with decided to attempt to warn him away from Vash.

“I’m a friend,” the waiter said. “I’m giving you friendly advice. She’s nothing but trouble. She has a tendency to take things she shouldn’t, something your kind has always been wary of.”

Julian’s eyebrows pulled together as he stood and frowned, intending to walk over to Quark’s where he was supposed to meet Vash in a few minutes. “I don’t think it’s any of your business who I see. In fact, I’m having dinner with her now.”

“Aren’t you the little stereotype,” the waiter muttered, rolling his eyes. “Go for a swim, seal pup.” He gave a dismissive wave of his hand.

Julian opened his mouth to reply, but instead he was hit by an overwhelming need to leave, to change, to transform, and immerse himself in water. He shivered, the wrongness of his body, the feeling of being trapped in his own skin once again striking him to the core.

“I-I should go,” Julian stammered before stumbling off to his quarters.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Julian began to frantically pull off his uniform, abandoning the pieces about the room. He tore through his wardrobe and dresser looking for something and tossing aside clothing that wasn’t what he wanted.

At last, he found a fur blanket he’d replicated once on a whim for a trip he and Palis had taken to a mountain cabin with a beautiful fireplace. That trip had been cut short when he’d had terrifying nightmares of burning alive and they’d both spent the first two days of the trip completely exhausted from lack of sleep. The blanket wasn’t what he was looking for, but it was close enough, it would have to do.

Julian wrapped the blanket around his body and found himself feeling strangely disappointed when nothing happened. Undeterred, he stepped into the bathroom and had the computer raise the partition needed to transform the shower into a tub. Then he had the computer begin to fill the tub with water and sat down to wait as the water slowly filled the tub and crept up the fur blanket and his body.

The water automatically shut off when it reached a certain level, but Julian overrode that. He wanted more, to be fully surrounded by water. Julian almost felt like he was in a trance as the water lightly rocked him. He was so close,  _ so close  _ to feeling right. This felt  _ good _ , certainly. It was nearly there, and yet there was still something slightly off about it.

Julian wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he suddenly jolted to full awareness. Quickly, he called for the computer to stop adding water and to drain the rest away. He got clumsily to his feet, suddenly feeling very foolish for having spent however long sitting in a bath wrapped in a fur blanket that was now soaking wet and incredibly heavy. He let the blanket fall to the floor as he stepped out of the bathroom and into his bedroom, only to look around with dismay at the mess that surrounded him.

There were pieces of clothing scattered everywhere, with no rhyme or reason to where they’d been tossed. There were also clear signs that the water had not been limited to the bathroom and some of it had managed to get out to the bedroom. It didn’t appear to have caused much damage, but some of the pieces of clothing that Julian only dimly remembered tossing to the floor were not meant to be soaked and were clearly damaged.

He stepped over the carnage, searching for a fresh set of underwear and a dry uniform, deciding to determine exactly what had happened before dealing with the mess he’d made of his quarters.

\--

Sisko’s briefing on what Julian had missed was quick, and Julian was incredibly thankful that Sisko decided not to dig into why Q had chosen to make Julian sit in a bath for days because Julian didn’t have a handy explanation.

Back in his quarters, Julian put away his clothing and took stock of what had been destroyed as he placed the ruined pieces in the replicator and watched them disappear. His uniforms had made it out unscathed and there were a few simple pieces that could easily be replicated, but quite a few of his off-duty outfits had been lost.

Julian ran a hand through his still damp hair and decided it was time he made use of Garak’s professional abilities. Which naturally led to the Cardassian tailor being very curious as to why Julian was awkwardly looking at a pair of shirts that were clearly meant for Bolian complexions. Julian explained that there had been an incident in his quarters that had led to some of his clothes being damaged beyond repair. Garak, of course, requested more details as he bustled around the shop pulling aside a few pieces for Julian to look at and try on.

“This woman, Vash, came to the station from the Gamma Quadrant and apparently she was followed by an omnipotent being called Q who did not take kindly to my attempt to take Vash out to dinner, so he, er, sent me away,” Julian explained as he followed Garak around the shop, taking what clothing he was handed.

“And how did that lead to the damage to your wardrobe?” Garak asked. Seemingly satisfied with the options he’d pulled out, he led Julian to one of the changing stalls and ushered him inside.

“Um, I, uh,” Julian stammered as he began to change from his uniform into the first outfit in the stack. “I sort of...tried to flood my quarters.”

“You don’t seem like the type who’s prone to destructive fits, doctor,” Garak replied from where he was waiting outside the stall.

“It wasn’t a conscious thing. Q put the urge in my mind.”

“Why would he do that? If he wanted to get you out of the way, wouldn’t it have made more sense to put you to sleep or make you disappear?”

Julian huffed. “I don’t know. He’s omnipotent. Maybe he thought it would be amusing. Anyway, flooding my quarters was sort of an accident.”

“You accidentally flooded your quarters? What were you trying to do?”

Julian paused, looking at his reflection in the mirror, but not seeing. He was distant as he thought back. “I...I wanted to be completely submerged in water. I was trying to swim.” His hands absently did up the closure on the shirt he was trying on and Julian stepped out of the stall for Garak's appraisal.

Garak circled around, tugging at the shirt occasionally to adjust it. He shook his head as if dissatisfied and sent Julian back into the stall to try the next outfit.

“I thought Humans drowned when underwater for too long,” Garak commented.

“Again, it wasn't a conscious thing,” Julian protested. “Q made me do it.”

“But I still don't see why,” Garak began. “It seems like a needlessly specific task, when, again, he could have just made you vanish with a wave of his hand.”

“I don't know, alright?!” Julian snapped, tossing a shirt to the ground in a fit of pique. “All I know is that Q told me to go for a swim and I spent the last few days sitting in my shower wrapped in a fur blanket!”

“I didn't mean to anger you, doctor, but you don't have to take it out on the clothing,” Garak chided gently.

Julian let out a huff and then a sigh. He took a few moments to breathe deeply and calm himself down. Annoyed with himself for his outburst, he knelt down and gently picked up the shirt and handed it to Garak through the curtain.

As Garak took the shirt from Julian’s hand, Julian’s eyes fell on the reflection of his body in the mirror and he was once again struck with a sudden sense of being trapped. Julian ripped his eyes away from the mirror and suppressed a shiver.

“In all honesty, you should find the situation flattering.” Garak’s voice cut through Julian’s rising panic, helping to ground him in the moment.

“What?” Julian asked, wrenching himself out of his own mind.

“An omnipotent being felt threatened by your charms to the point that he used his powers to get you out of the way. That’s quite impressive, my dear doctor. And that’s  _ with _ the handicap of your uniform.”

Julian frowned as he began to try on the next outfit in the pile.

“What’s wrong with my uniform?”

Garak let out a put upon sigh. “There’s nothing  _ wrong _ with it per se, but it’s just so dull. Clothing should flatter the wearer, draw the eye towards assets and away from flaws. Your uniform does little to enhance your appearance, or the appearance of anyone else who chooses to wear the thing.”

“And I suppose you think the Cardassian military uniform does a better job of that?” Julian fired back.

“To the Cardassian eye, certainly,” Garak retorted. He went off on the aesthetic merits of the Cardassian uniform, and Julian found the banter distracting enough to keep his attention away from other, less pleasant things while he worked through the clothing Garak had suggested for him.

Time seemed to flow more quickly then, and soon Julian found himself with lovely replacements for the clothing that had been destroyed.

“Thank you for your help, Garak.”

“No, thank  _ you _ for seeing reason and letting me guide your fashion choices,” Garak said with a smirk.

Julian smiled back before leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to keep posting this frequently, I was just anxious to get past the prologue and into the meat of the story.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This covers events up through 2x05 - Cardassians, including If Wishes Were Horses and the first episode with Lwaxanna.

Dinner with Jadzia had been an abject failure. She’d made her lack of interest painfully clear and then left.

Julian sighed all the way to the infirmary. He had some time before his evening shift started; it wouldn’t be too much trouble for him to take a quick nap on one of the biobeds in the back. He closed his eyes, expecting to dream of Jadzia, or perhaps one of his recent successful pursuits instead, like that Betazoid envoy who had made the risk of being with an empath more than worth it with the pleasure Julian had experienced, but instead, Julian found himself in one of his most persistently recurring dreams.

He was a seal, swimming alongside his mother and sister. A school of fish caught his attention and soon he’d managed to bat one away from the others. He toyed with it for a bit before his mother told him to let it rejoin its family.

The dream wasn’t always exactly the same, sometimes he was alone, sometimes his father was there, sometimes he was playing with his sister, but he’d had dreams of being a seal and swimming in the ocean for as long as he could remember.

The chirping of his combadge and Kira’s voice calling all senior officers to ops dragged him to consciousness. He moved to sit up on the bed only to discover that he was floating. Julian’s eyes snapped open. He was completely surrounded by water, floating above the biobed. He looked around. It didn’t seem like the whole room was flooded, there were pieces of equipment lying on counters, very clearly not floating.

Julian had a brief moment of panic about how he was going to get to ops before whatever was keeping the water contained disappeared and dumped Julian to the ground with a splash. All of the water then vanished, leaving Julian lying on the ground dazed and soaking wet. He lay still for a moment before getting to his feet with a sigh. This was twice now since arriving on the station that he was winding up mysteriously soaked with water. Julian hoped he wasn’t developing a strange reputation.

\--

Julian rolled over in a panicked attempt to escape the flames that he’d been sure were about to consume him just moments prior. He panted, his heart racing, as he realized that he hadn’t actually been in danger. It had just been a nightmare.

As long as Julian had had the dreams of being a seal, there had also been the nightmares of burning alive.

They were so vivid, so specific, that Julian was almost certain they were based on an actual experience. The one main point against that conclusion was that his parents had never mentioned anything like that, but then they’d also refused to mention that he’d almost drowned when he was a child until Julian had managed to drag it out of them.

It had been a while since he’d had the nightmares, but nearly burning alive in a corridor with three Federation ambassadors had unfortunately brought them vividly back.

Julian rolled over and willed the panic to leave his body so he could attempt to salvage this night’s sleep.

\--

Julian decided on a raktajino instead of tea or rokassa juice for lunch. Several days of poor sleep meant he desperately needed the caffeine. He covered a yawn as Garak slid into his usual seat across the table.

“Oh dear. I hope I haven't bored you already,” Garak commented lightly. “Or perhaps you were up late entertaining one of your lady friends?”

Julian shook his head. “No, no. I just haven't been sleeping well, that's all. It'll pass in a few days.”

Garak looked at him silently for a moment, then said, “If you say so,  _ doctor.”  _ Somehow, Garak managed to convey both the concession that Julian likely knew his own health best and the sentiment that doctors made the worst patients in just one word.

Julian smiled as Garak gave his thoughts on the book they’d read, letting the Cardassian’s words flow over him, until Garak said something that Julian just had to question.

“Hang on, are you saying you think Schmendrick was in love with the unicorn?”

“Clearly,” Garak answered. “He claims that the magic was what decided the shape she was transformed into, but he must have been able to influence it to some degree. Perhaps his subconscious suggested the form of a Human girl hoping he'd have to opportunity to woo her while she was in that form.”

Julian frowned. “He  _ loved _ the unicorn, I'll grant you that, but he wasn't  _ in love  _ with her.  _ Everyone _ loves her. She's a unicorn, they can't help it.”

“I think it goes deeper than that for Schmendrick,” Garak countered. “The unicorn is of true magic, like he is. In her he finds a kindred spirit. Furthermore, she treats him kindly and respectfully, like the great magician he has the potential to be, rather than like a bumbling fool as most of the other characters do.”

“But he  _ doesn't _ pursue her when she's trapped in a Human form!” Julian protested.

Garak looked at him curiously, tilting his head. “Do you disagree with Schmendrick’s choice to change the unicorn’s shape into that of a Human girl?”

Julian frowned and took a sip of his drink as he considered how to phrase his response. “Under the circumstances, it was necessary, but if he could have rescued her from the Red Bull in some other way, then that’s what he should have done. Transforming her in that way, trapping her in a body that wasn’t entirely her own, it  _ clearly _ caused her immense distress.” A sympathetic shiver ran down Julian’s spine.

“But it was the only way she would have been allowed to enter King Haggard’s castle,” Garak countered. “And if she hadn’t been a Human she wouldn’t have been able to have the same kind of effect on Prince Lir.”

“She was  _ suffering!”  _ Julian protested angrily. “I understand that it was the only way she could escape the Red Bull, but it was still terrible for her. As a doctor I’ve devoted my entire life to minimizing the pain and suffering in the world. I accept that it is sometimes unavoidable or even necessary, but that doesn’t mean I endorse it!” His hand landed hard on the table, making their dishes clatter.

Garak seemed taken aback by the heat of Julian’s outburst. His eyes were wide and his mouth had fallen slightly open in a picture of surprise.

The moment was shattered by Julian’s com badge chirping to alert him that his break was almost over. Julian quickly made his excuses and left.

\--

Julian frowned into his bowl of clam chowder as Garak continued chatting about whatever he was talking about. To say Julian was upset would be an accurate assessment of his current mood. He bit back a sigh and absently swirled his spoon in his soup until he realized that Garak had stopped talking.

He raised his head and was met with a look that wasn’t pity or disappointment, but understanding.

“You're still dwelling on how the affair with Rugal played out,” Garak stated evenly.

Julian nodded. There was no sense in denying it.

Garak said nothing, waiting for him to expand on that topic.

This time, Julian let the sigh escape. “I recognize that under the circumstances this is probably the best outcome for Rugal, but it still feels cruel to pull him away from the only family he's ever known…” Julian swirled his soup absently. “If not for Dukat's interference, Rugal could have had a happy and fairly mundane childhood.”

“My dear doctor, I'm surprised at you. I would have pegged you as agreeing with Commander Sisko's ruling wholeheartedly,” Garak challenged, raising his eye ridge.

Julian met his gaze readily. “I suppose I just wish Rugal had never been put in that situation in the first place. Children aren’t pawns, and they shouldn’t be used as such.”

Garak gave Julian a smile with an odd hint of sadness in it. “A Federation sentiment if ever I’ve heard one.”

“Is it really, though?” Julian countered. “Considering the importance of family in Cardassian culture, I would think you’d agree that attacking children shouldn’t be allowed.”

An odd look appeared on Garak’s face. “Sometimes I wonder if our two species are too different for true understanding. You’ve managed to completely misunderstand the Cardassian mindset once again.” He shook his head. “We don’t value  _ children _ , we value  _ family.  _ Do you see the difference? Kotan Pa’Dar was Gul Dukat’s enemy, therefore Rugal Pa’Dar was his enemy as well.”

Julian frowned. “That doesn’t seem right.”

“It’s not a matter of what is right, doctor. It’s a matter of what  _ is. _ ” Garak leaned back in a way that signaled a shift from debater to instructor. “The only thing that should come before a Cardassian’s loyalty to their family is their loyalty to the State. The good of Cardassia beats everything else. For example, if my family or Cardassia would benefit from your death, I _ would _ kill you.”

Julian swallowed his mouthful of soup so that he could properly gape at Garak. Julian tried to speak a few times, but the nonchalance of Garak’s declaration that he would end Julian’s life if asked had shocked him into silence.

With a gracious smile, Garak took pity on Julian.

“Thankfully, I can’t imagine that scenario ever coming to pass, so your life is safe from the assassination attempts of an old tailor.” Just like that the threat was gone and the sharpness that Garak’s presence had taken on vanished.

Julian managed to smile back. He’d been shaken to his very core, but that was part of the game, part of the challenge of spending time with Garak: recovering in the face of the unexpected.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Julian said shakily. “Though I can’t imagine why I’d ever pose much of a threat to Cardassia. I’m a doctor, I only want to help people.”

Garak waved his hand dismissively. “It was merely a hypothetical to make a point, my dear. I doubt Cardassia is aware of you beyond simply being this station’s chief medical officer.”

“Unless  _ someone  _ told them more,” Julian pointed out. He didn’t  _ know  _ that Garak was a spy, but then again, he didn’t know that he  _ wasn’t _ either.

Garak was about to reply when Julian’s badge chirped to alert him to the end of his break. With a smile that revealed more nervousness than he wanted, Julian bid Garak goodbye and returned to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wanted to have these two discuss The Last Unicorn for ages and it works so well here thematically!


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This covers the events around episode 2x06 - Melora, as such it's rather light on the Garashir. There will be plenty more in the future though.

“Doctor, if you cut that any smaller the pieces will be mere crumbs!” Garak exclaimed. Julian blinked as Garak’s words dragged him out of his worried thoughts. “What could possibly have you so distracted?” Garak leaned in conspiratorially. “Has another beautiful lady caught your eye?”

Julian sighed and set aside his utensils. “In a way. It’s Melora, the Elaysian ensign visiting the station.” Julian leaned back and looked up to meet Garak’s gaze. “I think she hates me. I modified her chair to give her more mobility and she clearly felt I’d overstepped. When we were talking via subspace to arrange the preparations, I thought we had a good rapport, but now I’m worried that she sees me as part of the system that she constantly has to fight against for respect because I’m a doctor.” A soft smile crossed Julian’s face as he thought about her more. “She’s so confident in her own abilities, so comfortable in her own body despite the way it handicaps her in this environment. I wish she could see how amazing I find her…” Suddenly a warm feeling blossomed in Julian’s chest and he found himself blushing. He let out a nervous chuckle. “Oh dear. Garak, maybe you were right after all.”

“I usually am. It's just rare for you to realize it,” Garak replied, though his tone wasn't as smug as Julian would have expected.

“I think I'll go see her after my shift, try to show her that I think of her as a person and not a patient, maybe invite her out to dinner,” Julian mused, his attention once again drifting away from his lunch companion.

Garak let out a sigh. “I'm sure after prolonged exposure, she will prove susceptible to your charms.”

“Thanks, Garak,” Julian said with a smile. “I certainly hope so.”

\--

The dinner proved successful, and the next day, when Melora invited Julian into her quarters he hovered outside the doorway, unwilling to intrude, but when he voiced his reservations she turned back and made it clear that she wasn’t going to give up her comfort for him, that she was offering him a chance to see her in her element and experience that for himself. Julian felt he would be a fool if he didn’t take that chance.

Melora turned down the gravity before the door even slid shut, and pushed herself out of her chair. Julian watched her in awe for a moment, until she called for him to join her.

“What do I do?” he asked.

“Just give a gentle push. It’s easy,” she replied.

Julian did as instructed and soon found himself floating around the room with ease.

“You’re taking to this quite well!” Melora exclaimed with a surprised smile.

“It’s sort of like swimming,” Julian said, making his way towards her. “I was always something of a natural at that.”

Melora smiled, then said “Julian, the man in the picture is my brother.”

“Oh?” Melora gave him a pointed look, and suddenly everything clicked.  _ “Oh,”  _ he replied, smiling as she came in for a kiss.

\--

Julian had been unsure about bringing up the idea of neuromuscular adaptation to Melora. He hadn’t wanted her to feel like he was pressuring her into anything, but she deserved to know that the option was there. He could offer her the ability to walk in standard gravity environments. No more servo-controls, no more chair. It was possible. It wouldn’t even be that complicated.

It  _ would _ be a complete change. He couldn’t make her body shift between gravities as simply as flicking a switch. Ultimately if she wanted to go through with the treatment she would be permanently tying herself to a life in standard gravity.

He made sure she was completely aware of the consequences before starting the procedure. Melora smiled and reassured him that she understood the magnitude of what they were doing and she was willing to try it.

However, during the second treatment Melora began to express doubts. It truly started to hit her that she would be losing her home and the experience of weightlessness.

“Maybe we should stop,” Julian suggested after the second treatment was finished. “Everything is still reversible if we halt the treatments now.”

“Oh, I'm sure it's just some strange form of buyers remorse. I'll be fine,” Melora replied.

Julian frowned. “Tell me exactly what you're feeling.”

“Last night, I just missed...” Melora shrugged. “I didn't feel like me.”

“Melora, in order for this to work you have to give up the low-gravity environment.” Julian began.

“I know that,” she snapped. “I want independence, real independence. No chair, no servo controls. This is what I want.”

Julian took her hand. “But not at the expense of flying,” he said softly. “If, Melora, if I’ve pressured you, in any way-”

Melora laughed. “Julian, do you honestly think  _ you _ could convince  _ me _ to do something I didn’t want to do?”

“I know how important turning off the gravity at the end of the day is for you. If we go through with this procedure, you will lose that forever. You’ll be cut off from your family, your species, your planet!”

Julian didn’t notice how worked up he’d gotten until Melora pulled him close and cupped his cheek with her hand. He used the contact to ground himself as he tried to will himself under control.

“Julian, this is my decision and I’ll make it,” she stated firmly. “Why are you taking it so personally?”

Julian had no answer to her question.

“Right,” he replied quietly. “This is your decision. Just...please make sure you’re certain. I don’t want to cause you any regret.”

\--

It was relief rather than disappointment that Julian felt when Melora explained that she wouldn’t be continuing the treatments and that their relationship would end once she left the station, then he immediately felt a surge of guilt for feeling that way.

Still, Melora’s decision removed the pressure from their relationship. Julian was no longer worried about the unintended consequences of the treatment, and they were free to simply enjoy each other’s company with no expectations. Melora even invited Julian to join her in her quarters with the gravity switched off several more times.

After Melora left the station, Julian admitted his conflicted feelings to Garak over lunch as he explained the results of his experimental treatment.

“Maybe if it wasn't so extreme, if she’d been able to switch back and forth between environments at will, I wouldn't have felt so guilty, like I was trapping her…” Julian hypothesized with a frown.

Garak had fallen silent, as he often did when Julian sank deep into medical theory.

“There are, obviously, species that are very adaptable, able to adjust to a wide variety of environments, but this would only really work as a complete shift between two modes…”

“Is that even possible?” Garak asked.

Julian nodded. “Have you ever heard of Selkies?”

“No, I don't believe I have.”

“Well they're a rather reclusive Earth species, so I'm not surprised, but they're shape-shifters, capable of changing between two distinct forms: seal and humanoid,” Julian explained.

Garak gave him a puzzled look. “What's a seal?”

“An aquatic Earth mammal. The point is, they shift between two completely different forms and can live in two completely different environments. In each form they're nearly indistinguishable from seals or Humans, although there are some differences. In the humanoid form for instance, they sometimes have webbed fingers or toes,” Julian raised his hand, fingers spread to display the lack of webbing, “but generally the differences are much more subtle. They have a tendency towards large eyes and usually have dappled skin along their sides, but otherwise they look like Humans.”

“So they’re similar to Constable Odo, except more limited?” Garak asked before he took a sip of his rokassa juice.

Julian shook his head. “Odo doesn’t really have default form as we think of it. He could become a rock, a Tarkalean hawk, even you or me if he chose. Selkies are essentially a species with two forms that they can switch between at will as long as they have their sealskin.”

“And without their sealskin?” Garak leaned in, curious.

“They become trapped in their humanoid form.” Julian felt a shiver run down his spine at the thought. “Most of the stories surrounding Selkies involve their skins being stolen and them being trapped on land.”

“That’s quite the weakness,” Garak said lightly.

“I imagine that’s why they tends to keep to themselves,” Julian replied with a shrug. “Despite being native to Earth, there have been very few Selkies in Starfleet.

Garak nodded as he took this information in and the conversation shifted to something much more pleasant.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This AU's version of the infamous racquetball outfit makes its appearance.

“What do you think?” Julian asked as he entered Garak's shop. He was wearing a set of freshly replicated workout clothes. This visit was just a quick stop on his way to the new racquetball court. Racquetball and tennis had become his sports of choice after he'd stopped swimming, though he’d never tried to seriously compete.

Garak glanced at him, then sighed and shook his head. “My dear, if you wanted my help all you had to do was ask. You didn't need to replicate that... _ outfit. _ ” The final word was said with distaste, as if Garak didn't consider the clothing worthy of the word.

Julian grinned, walking over to Garak. “Think you can do better?”

“I  _ know  _ I can,” Garak replied, giving Julian a quick once-over. “For instance, I think you would be better served by shorter sleeves and a...less vibrant color pallet.”

Julian frowned and tugged at his long sleeved purple and red tie-dye shirt. “What did you have in mind?”

“Ah, ah, ah,” Garak tutted as he turned to adjust a display. “My consulting services don't come for free.”

“I'll pay for your next lunch with me,” Julian offered with a smile.

“The next two lunches and you'll destroy  _ that _ outfit once I've replaced it,” Garak countered.

“Deal,” Julian replied eagerly. “Well, I'm off! See you at lunch later.”

\--

After their lunch at Quark’s, Garak led Julian back to his shop and pulled out a PADD containing Garak’s ideas for a new racquetball outfit. Julian grimaced.

“I know the designs are less...flashy than you prefer,” Garak said, picking up on Julian’s poor mood, “but you can’t deny they’ll look stunning on you.”

“No, Garak, that’s not it. They’re lovely, really,” Julian hurriedly said with a weak smile. “It’s just… I don’t know if I’m going to keep playing racquetball.”

“You were so excited about the court this morning.” The question “what happened?” implied through his tone.

Julian sighed. “Chief O’Brien. I thought he was going to have a heart attack trying to win. He wouldn’t let me leave until I got one of my nurses to fake an emergency at the infirmary.”

Garak raised an eye ridge. “Surely you're exaggerating.”

“Not by much. Anyway, now he wants a rematch,” Julian groaned. “He's so stubborn and proud and I don't want to offend him. I want him to like me.” Julian sighed. “He  _ hates _ me.”

“Perhaps you could suddenly become too busy for racquetball? At least until the chief's focus fades away.”

Julian considered the idea. “Maybe… There  _ is _ a new holoprogram at Quark's that I'd like to try.”

Garak raised an eye ridge. “Will you require fashion advice for that as well?”

Julian laughed and shook his head. “I think I can handle it myself.”

“If you say so,” Garak replied, his voice dripping with skepticism.

“I'll see you in a few days for lunch,” Julian said with a smile as he headed towards the door and Garak waved him out.

\--

At their lunch Julian was much calmer. Chief O'Brien had grumbled but ultimately accepted that Julian's schedule no longer had time for racquetball.

And Julian found the new beach program he started using quite relaxing. He'd actually gone swimming for the first time in years, comforted by the knowledge that if he lost himself and tried to stay beyond his reservation, Quark would have no problem kicking him out.

That calm only lasted a few more days before Quark decided to interfere and scheduled a racquetball match between O’Brien and Julian to raise money for Bajoran orphans.

Julian had only just gotten off shift after that announcement when he was ambushed on the promenade by Garak, who insisted on bringing Julian to his shop.

“Garak, please. I’d rather forget about racquetball altogether.”

“So would I, but I refuse to let you compete while wearing the monstrosity you had on the other day,” Garak replied as he held out the PADD full of designs for Julian's perusal. “Please.”

Julian sighed and flipped through the images. “That one,” he said, pointing to an image of a tight short sleeved shirt in silver with a turquoise stripe across the chest and matching lines along the edges providing some contrast. The shirt was paired with tight shorts in the same color scheme that ended just above the knee.

“I'll send the pattern to your replicator,” Garak stated.

Julian nodded his thanks and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter this time. The next one will be much longer.


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian gets a couple of pushes forward.

Julian could no longer deny to himself that his feelings for Garak had developed far beyond a simple curiosity and blossomed into something more. Between saving Garak’s life, encountering a version of him in an alternate universe, and watching Garak die in the Dominion simulation, Julian had been made painfully aware that he was rapidly falling in love with his devious friend. The question was: what was Julian going to do about it? Or was he even going to do anything? After all, there were plenty of reasons against him acting on his feelings.

In contrast to his typical full steam ahead approach, Julian decided to take a more subtle tack and first try to ascertain if Garak felt a similar way towards him. He could throw out some hints, things that could be taken as friendly advances rather than romantic ones and see how Garak responded, gently suggesting that he would be interested in shifting their relationship to something more intimate if Garak was as well.

An obvious opportunity presented itself when Julian was idly looking through the various programs that would be offered during the Bajoran Gratitude Festival. There was going to be a reading of poetry from various species all on the central theme of gratitude. That was sure to provide them plenty to discuss if they attended.

As the festival loomed ever closer, Julian brought up the idea of going to the poetry reading at one of their lunches and was delighted when Garak agreed to join him. The plan was that they would meet at Garak’s shop, he would close up, and then they would stroll over to the poetry reading together. It meant Julian would be late to Captain Sisko’s party, but it was a worthy sacrifice.

Julian dressed to impress on the day of the festival, pulling out an outfit that Garak himself had sold him: a maroon shirt with a delicate circular pattern in gold and an asymmetrical collar paired with dark brown pants that were cut to flatter him in all the right places.

Julian tried to set his worries aside as he stepped into the festival crowd. He had plenty of time to kill before meeting up with Garak and it wouldn’t do to let his nerves get the best of him in the meantime.

He was called away for a few minor medical duties, including what appeared to be Jadzia pulling some sort of prank on Captain Sisko, but he still found himself surprisingly at ease, even if he was stopping to check his appearance more than usual. He’d been in the middle of using his reflection in a shop window to make sure his hair was still in place when he was approached by Lwaxana Troi.

“Doctor Bashir, there you are!” she exclaimed, slipping her arm into his. “I was hoping I’d run into you. Do you have a moment?”

Julian threw a quick glance at Odo, who gave a nearly imperceptible shrug. “Of course, Madam Ambassador,” Julian replied with a smile. “What can I do for you?”

“Odo, would you give the doctor and I a brief moment alone?”

Odo and Julian shared a quick look before Odo replied “alright” and walked down the promenade.

Lwaxana led Julian a few steps away and said quietly “You don’t need to hide who you are.”

Julian tried to suppress his instinctive panic, knowing that as a Betazed Lwaxana would quickly pick up on it if he allowed it to grow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied firmly, trying to feign confidence he didn’t feel.

Lwaxana shook her head and gave him an unimpressed look. “You may be able to fool everyone else, but you can’t fool  _ me _ . Oh, you had me  _ confused _ for a while, presenting yourself as Human while your mind was telling me something else, but I don’t see why you’ve bothered with this deception at all.”

“Ambassador-”

“Doctor, I understand you’re a reclusive people, but you’re hardly the first Selkie in Starfleet.”

“Selkie?” Julian asked, baffled by the sudden turn the conversation had taken, though his earlier nervousness hadn’t left him.

 

“I’m embarrassed it took me so long to realize that was why your mind didn’t feel like a Human’s, but I’m going to blame it on you being one of the only Selkies I’ve ever encountered.” Lwaxana grinned triumphantly and patted Julian’s hand. “Once I put it together it was incredibly obvious.”

“I-” Julian’s response was stopped by a sudden blast of pain surging through his skull, but it left as quickly as it came.

Lwaxana was already pulling away by the time Julian recovered. “Well, doctor, I’d better get back to Odo, but keep in mind what I said. You’d be amazed how wonderful it can feel to unburden yourself.” She started to walk away, then turned back and added with a wink “Oh, and good luck with your date.”

Julian stood dazed in her wake for a moment as his brain processed what had just happened. He knew he should just dismiss Lwaxana’s claim that he was a Selkie as a fortunate mistake. He knew both of his parents were Human, and he didn’t have webbed fingers or toes or dappled skin or any other common markers of a Selkie, and he certainly didn’t have a seal skin. And yet, it explained so many mysteries about his life: his natural talent for swimming, the constant pull towards the ocean, the feeling of being trapped in his own skin, even his love of seafood.

A deep scan would settle this question once and for all. Julian started to head to the infirmary. He still had a bit of time before he needed to meet Garak, he could easily get the answers he needed first and still meet Garak in time. However, his feet began to slow and the thought of investigating his genetics seemed less and less important, certainly in comparison to spending time with Garak. After another slow step, Julian turned and began to head back towards Garak’s shop.

Garak looked up the instant Julian crossed the threshold and Julian’s heart fluttered as their eyes met.

“Ah, doctor, I was just getting ready to close up,” Garak announced with a smile that Julian flattered himself by thinking seemed just a little more genuine than Garak’s usual smile.

“You can call me Julian, you know,” Julian said as he made his way across the shop, eager to be closer to the object of his affections. “Would you rather I call you Elim?” Julian missed the nearly imperceptible jump Garak made at that question.

“I don’t think that would be appropriate, doctor,” Garak said firmly. Julian began to pout slightly, which prompted Garak to explain, “Among Cardassians the use of one’s first name is reserved only for those whom one is very close to.”

“Are we not close?” Julian asked, tentatively touching Garak’s arm. “I certainly count you as one of the people dearest to me. After everything we’ve been through, I hoped you felt the same way.”

Garak’s expression softened slightly. “My dear, I hope you’re not still worrying over what I said to you while I was indisposed. I can easily say that you’re the person I’m closest to here. Does that satisfy you?”

Julian frowned. “On a station that makes you miserable filled with people who hate you? That hardly says anything,” he pointed out. “Do I even mean half as much to you as you do to me?” Julian gave Garak a pitiful look.

Garak stared back for a moment, then said quietly “I wouldn’t dare to guess how much I mean to you, but you  _ do _ mean a great deal to me.”

“I'm very glad to hear it,” Julian said with a grin. Garak was never clear about these things, to hear him say this much, even if it wasn't romantic, provided Julian with the courage to move his hand from Garak's arm to wrap around Garak’s shoulders. “It's so rare for you to show me any scrap of clear affection.” Julian sighed.

Garak tilted his head, then said “As much as I appreciate your body heat on this cold station, I  _ do _ still need to close up my shop if we're going to attend that poetry reading.”

“Or we could forget the poetry reading and go somewhere private to lie low together,” Julian suggested with a flirtatious smirk.

Garak didn't quite recoil from Julian's grasp, but he  _ did _ slip away from him. “Doctor,” he began firmly.

“Julian, please.” Julian smiled winningly at him.

Garak paused before granting that small concession. “Julian, what do you think you're doing?”

“I'm letting you know how I feel,” Julian declared. “I love you. I want to be with you.”

Garak’s eyes widened as he took a step back. “Doctor, consider what you’re saying. You’ll find someone else soon enough. There’s no sense in you risking getting involved with me.” Garak glanced away.

“I’m not so foolish that I would pursue you without considering the risks!” Julian protested, taking a step forward. “And I know what I’m feeling. This isn’t a brief infatuation or passing lust. I’m in love with you, Elim Garak, and I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you if that’s what it takes!”

“This is all very sudden,” Garak demurred, looking unsure of himself for the first time that Julian could ever remember.

“Is it?” Julian countered, stepping forward again. “After all the time we’ve spent together, all those lunches we’ve shared, how could I not come to love you?”

Now that Julian stood close in front of Garak, he couldn’t suppress the urge to reach out again. Surprisingly, Garak didn’t shy away from Julian’s touch as he reached out to cup Garak’s jaw. Nor did Garak resist as Julian pulled him in for a kiss. It was fairly chaste, yet full of passion, an ideal example of a first kiss.

“Oh, Julian,” Garak sighed regretfully as they broke the kiss. “This is not a good idea.”

“I don’t care,” Julian said firmly.

“You should,” Garak replied, but it was clear that his resolve was weakening. He didn’t resist when Julian pulled him into another kiss.

When Julian’s combadge chirped and Sisko tried to hail Julian, Garak did try to jump back in surprise, but Julian’s arm at Garak’s waist and his hand at the back of Garak’s head kept Garak close. Soon enough Garak had relaxed and was once again tentatively kissing Julian back.

“You ought to see what Commander Sisko wanted,” Garak suggested when they finally broke apart.

Julian smiled tenderly at Garak. “It can wait,” he whispered before they fell back to kissing.

Any thoughts the two of them had of attending the poetry reading as originally planned, or even of leaving Garak’s shop, fell away as they slowly began to become more comfortable with each other.

When the door to Garak’s shop slid open, Garak broke the kiss and tried to pull away, but Julian couldn’t even consider letting go. He shifted his attention to the side of Garak’s face and down towards Garak’s neck despite Garak’s attempts to pry him off.

“Doctor,” Odo began, clearly displeased with having to interact with the scene before him. “Commander Sisko needs to see you in the wardroom.”

“Tell him I’ll be there shortly,” Julian said, not bothering to turn towards Odo. He tried to resume kissing down Garak’s neck, only for Garak’s hands to come up, framing his face and holding him back.

“Julian.” Garak’s tone was firm, meant to command attention. “Go with Constable Odo.”

Julian’s expression changed to a sultry pout. “I’d much rather stay here with  _ you _ . I suppose you could come with me,” he suggested, running his hands up Garak’s back, “but that does  _ limit  _ what we can do.”

Garak shifted his gaze from Julian to Odo and tilted his head pointedly.

“Now, Doctor,” Odo huffed, placing a hand on Julian’s shoulder.

“I’ll be along shortly,” Garak promised.

The suspicion that he was lying appeared in the back of Julian’s mind, but Julian brushed it aside. They were happily in love, Garak had no reason to lie to him.

“Alright.” Julian reluctantly released his grip on Garak’s tunic and Garak lowered his hands as well. Julian pressed a quick kiss to Garak’s lips before taking a teasing step back. “Don’t be too long,” he called as Odo led him from the store.

\--

When Julian found out he’d been summoned to investigate various instances of sudden infatuation that had popped up in the last day he found himself thankful that Garak hadn’t accompanied him to the wardroom. Julian could only imagine Garak’s expression as he came to the incorrect conclusion that Julian’s feelings were the result of some Betazed virus. His love for Garak had far deeper roots than that.

Commander Sisko had firmly suggested that all of those affected should do their best to avoid the person they were infatuated with for a couple days until the effects cleared out of their systems. Julian had reluctantly agreed and sent Garak a regretful message canceling their next lunch and promising to contact Garak as soon as he was permitted.

Julian knew he should be worried about what had happened between them, that he should be embarrassed by Odo finding him in such a state, but when he remembered those kisses and having Garak in his arms, he couldn't stop a smile from playing on his lips. His feelings were out there and Garak seemed to feel the same. All he had to do now was wait a few days, then clarify that he'd meant everything he'd said and was truly in love with Garak and they could proceed from there.

There was enough work in the infirmary to keep Julian’s mind distracted while he waited for his symptoms to pass, at least for the first day, but towards the end of his shift on the second day, Julian found his work slowing to a crawl. Worse yet, a quick scan confirmed that his symptoms had cleared up, but he was still unable to see Garak until after his shift ended.

Julian sighed, trying to come up with something to do. His mind settled on the question that had been plaguing him shortly before the effects of the zanthi fever had set in: Was Lwaxana right? Was he actually a Selkie? The question would easily be settled with a deep scan and he  _ did  _ have the time for it. There was no sense in putting it off. Either way the question would be settled.

He performed the scan, then settled into a chair to wait for the results. He was still waiting when he heard someone quietly enter the room behind him. Expecting one of his nurses, Julian spun around only to find Garak.

“Doctor,” the Cardassian greeted with polite smile and a nod of his head.

Julian stood and took a few steps towards Garak. “I was going to see you after my shift,” Julian said. “I had to wait until…” The explanation faded at the intensity in Garak’s eyes.

“What happened during the festival…” Garak didn’t have to finish his question for Julian to understand what he was being asked.

“I still love you,” Julian stated. “I loved you before I was affected, but I wasn’t sure how you felt.”

“And now that you know, what will you do?” Garak asked.

Julian answered by closing the distance between them, caressing Garak’s cheek, and pulling him into a kiss. “I still want to be with you,” Julian murmured against Garak’s lips.

This time Garak didn’t hesitate. “I’d like that as well,” he replied before kissing Julian again.

“I’d been planning to ask you to dinner tonight,” Julian said when they broke apart.

Garak smiled. “I accept. Did you have somewhere in mind?”

Julian was about to answer when the computer chirped to let him know that the results of his scan were complete. “Hold that thought,” he said with a flirtatious smile as he walked over to the console.

_ Species: Selkie _

He stared at the screen in shock. Everything about his life was a lie. Julian had already experienced a similar revelation once before when he’d found out that his parents had taken him to Adigeon Prime to have him altered, but even the implications of that paled in comparison to this. He’d accepted long ago that his parents had done a terrible thing, but now they weren’t even his parents, just two people who had been lying to him and abusing him his whole life.

His eyes skimmed over the finer details of the test results that explained that the subject had undergone some genetic modification, most likely to appear more Human, though the exact purpose couldn’t be determined and it was possible that other changes had been made as well. The muddling of his genetics to the point where it was impossible for someone without his Adigeon Prime records to determine that he’d been enhanced was small comfort in the face of the fundamental shifting of his world.

His focused silence must have piqued Garak’s curiosity because Garak crept closer and attempted to peer over Julian’s shoulder. “What is it?” Garak asked.

Julian quickly closed the test results, hiding them behind a password. “It’s nothing,” he said with a dismissive smile before pulling Garak into a passionate kiss. “About dinner, I was thinking maybe my quarters?” Julian offered. “Tomorrow’s my day off. We could sleep in and then spend the whole day in bed?”

Garak raised an eye ridge, causing Julian's confidence to fail.

“We can, of course, go somewhere public instead,” Julian backpedaled. “If I'm moving too quickly for you-” He was cut off by Garak's thumb moving across his lips. Julian blinked in surprise.

“Seeing as tomorrow is my day off as well, I would be delighted to spend it with you,” Garak replied.

Julian smiled. “I don't think my staff would mind if I left a little early. It's been rather slow today.”

Garak smiled back and gestured for Julian to lead on. Julian brought them back to his quarters where he passionately threw himself into consummating their relationship and ignoring the implications of his test results.

Of course, Garak realized something was distracting Julian, and the next day he confronted him while Julian lay wrapped in his arms.

“Not that I mind your particular method of avoidance, my dear,” Garak said, running a hand through Julian's very tousled hair, “but something is clearly troubling you, and I'm afraid I'm too tired to go again, so perhaps you should just tell me what's wrong?”

“I'm not Human,” Julian blurted out. “I'm a Selkie.” He explained everything: how Lwaxana had suggested the idea to him, how it explained so many mysteries about his life, how he was terrified about what this meant for him.

During his explanation they'd shifted. Julian hadn't been able to lie still while he spoke, so they'd moved to sitting, then standing as Julian grew more and more frantic. Finally, finished with his rant, Garak held him, leading him back to the bed.

“...I think I have a sister,”Julian whispered, sounding almost dazed. “Her name is Saoirse.”

Garak pulled Julian against him and ran his hand soothing down Julian's back. “So what do you want to do?” he asked quietly.

“I want to find her. I want to find my family,” Julian replied. “And I still want to be a Starfleet doctor. I'm not planning to leave my post.” He pressed a quick chaste kiss to Garak’s lips. “Especially since I have you.”

Garak smiled softly. “If I can help in any way, I'm quite willing to assist.”

“Thank you,” Julian murmured, leaning further into Garak's touch. “But for right now, I'd rather not think about any of this.”

“I'm happy to help with that too,” Garak said as he pulled Julian into a kiss that swiftly became less chaste and more needy.


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian finally gets to meet his real parents

Over the course of the next month, Julian communicated with the appropriate department of Federation Security and began the process not only of finding his real family, but also determining what could be done about Richard and Amsha Bashir. Julian was unwilling to go through with a trial, not wanting to have to face them again and not wanting to risk Richard letting something slip about Julian being genetically enhanced in retaliation. This limited what could be done, but the steps that could be taken without a trial were taken.

Instead, Julian focused more on happier things, namely, finding his real family. That went surprisingly smoothly since most Selkies had their DNA registered in a database so that their sealskin could be regrown if it was lost or destroyed, a handy solution for the common Selkie fear.

The idea of replacing his missing, likely long ago destroyed, sealskin had never occurred to Julian until it had been offered, but he eagerly accepted. It wouldn’t be complete by the time he and the rest of DS9’s senior staff visited Earth; the changes to Julian’s genetics meant that some alterations would have to be made in order for the sealskin to work properly. Plus they took a while to grow.

However, meeting his real family could be easily arranged. Julian had been informed first when they had been identified and asked if he still wanted to contact them. Julian had said yes and recorded a simple message explaining who he was and giving a brief summary of his life to be sent on to them. He’d been delighted to receive a pair of similar prerecorded messages shortly afterwards.

His parents seemed like warm people. His mother expressed how delighted they were after so many years to hear that he was alive and well, and a Starfleet doctor, of course he’d always loved to explore and had a tender heart so it was really no surprise. Meanwhile his father spoke about trying to put together some sort of scrapbook so that Julian could easily catch up on what had happened to everyone in the pod during his absence.

Then there was Saoirse. She looked every bit how Julian thought a Selkie should. Her brown hair fell in curls and waves to just brush her shoulders; her eyes were large, green, and expressive; and her face was covered with a smattering of freckles. In her recording she grinned and said she hoped he wasn’t too attached to being an only child because they had years of sibling bonding to catch up on.

The one thing that was strange was that all of them referred to Julian by his Selkie name. Julian supposed it made sense, since that was the name they best knew him by, but it still felt like an odd echo of Richard and Amsha’s refusal to call him Julian rather than Jules.

\--

Julian arranged to properly meet his family while DS9’s senior staff visited Earth after his work was completed. They agreed to meet in San Francisco, since Julian knew the area and his parents didn’t want him to feel pressured by meeting them near their home. The four of them met at the transport station and from there walked to the local replimat. They chatted and Julian's family told him all sorts of stories about their lives, from both before and after he'd been abducted.

Towards the end of the meal, Julian's father spoke. “Son,” he began, “we've been using your Selkie name because that's what we know you as. You were taken from us before you could have your Human naming ceremony… If you'd prefer we call you something else…” He trailed off, leaving the offer open.

Julian bit his lip and let his gaze fall nervously to his hands. “I think I'd prefer Julian, if that's alright,” he said hesitantly.

“Of course, Julian,” his father replied warmly. “Whatever you prefer.”

When Julian raised his eye he could see that his parents and his sister were all smiling warmly. Though he barely knew these people, Julian felt loved.

\--

Eventually it was time for them to go their separate ways.

“May I hug you?” Saoirse asked as they stood.

“Yes, absolutely,” Julian answered with a grin.

Saoirse’s grip was gentle, but firm, as if she was worried he would slip from her grasp.

“When did you get so tall?” she muttered as she embraced him.

Julian chuckled awkwardly. He was easily taller than the rest of his family, and he was fairly certain it was the result of his genes being altered.

“Well, as long as you remember that I'm older, even if I'm shorter, we won't have a problem,” Saoirse teased.

\--

When Julian returned to the station, he headed to Garak’s quarters without truly considering his actions, but Garak’s welcoming demeanor reassured Julian that he’d made the right decision.

“Come in, my dear,” Garak said while he swept Julian inside.

It all happened so smoothly that Julian barely registered as Garak took and set aside his bag and led him to sit on the edge of the Cardassian’s bed, Garak’s quarters containing no other place where two people could sit side by side.

“Tell me about your trip,” Garak murmured, sliding his arm around Julian’s waist.

“It was…” Julian let the story about his, Jadzia’s, and Sisko’s trip through time fall away and instead decided to talk about what was most on his mind. “They were nice, my family, I mean. They seemed very eager to welcome me back.”

“But..?” Garak prompted, picking up on the note of hesitation in Julian’s voice.

“It felt strange, to have these parents and a sister treating me as if I’d just come home a long tour of duty.” Julian gave a bitter smile. “You’ve probably already figured out that I didn’t have the best relationship with my...with the people I believed were my parents before. I thought it might be easier with the  _ real _ ones, but it felt...it felt as if I had slipped into someone else’s place. It’s ridiculous that I finally have a family who seems completely willing to accept me for who I am and I can’t make myself believe it.”

“It will take time for you to find a new sense of balance,” Garak replied. “In many ways, you’re meeting your family for the first time. You will all have to work together to determine the kind of relationship you want to have.”


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian gets his sealskin.

Julian began to fall into a routine of exchanging messages with his family. Out of all of them, Saoirse was the one he found easiest to talk to. Her light teasing set Julian at ease and it was very simple for him for him to settle into a comfortable relationship with her. So it seemed only natural when Julian received word that his replacement sealskin was ready, for him to ask Saoirse if she would be willing to travel to DS9 with the sealskin and teach Julian how to be a proper Selkie.

Julian didn’t greet Saoirse at the airlock as planned when she arrived on the station, but it was easy enough for her to find the infirmary, despite the crowd of onlookers on the promenade surrounding the charred remains of a shopfront.

Saoirse waved off the offer of assistance from a nurse when she entered the infirmary. “No thanks,” she said quickly. “I’m looking for-”

She was cut off by Julian himself entering and exclaiming “Saoirse!” as he went over and embraced her. “I’m so sorry I didn’t meet you at the airlock. Everything’s been rather hectic today. It completely slipped my mind that you were coming.”

Saoirse gave him a wry, but reassuring smile. “It’s alright. I’m sure you have your hands full as CMO. I saw the commotion back there. Were there many injured?”

Julian shook his head. “Just the one, but he’s a handful in and of himself.” His expression grew fond and distant for a moment before he refocused. “Let’s get you settled in. I take it you haven’t stopped at your quarters yet.”

“No, I wanted to give you this first.” She held out a simple case, which Julian hesitantly took and did not open.

He smiled with a hint of worry and said “Well, I’ll go with you. We can deal with this when we get to your room.”

Following Julian’s lead, Saoirse was silent until they got to the turbolift, when she finally had to break her silence. “Are you alright?” she asked.

“Mm?” Julian turned to her quickly. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m just fretting over a stubborn patient.”

Saoirse looked her brother over. “Are you always this distracted off-duty?” she asked, bemused.

Julian looked at her sheepishly. “Sorry, I'll try to focus.”

She smiled back. “It's fine. We're not doing anything too strenuous today.”

The lift came to a halt and they both stepped out.

“You're not going to teach me how to change forms?” Julian asked.

“I  _ can  _ if you're feeling up to it.”

Julian nodded vigorously as the pair came to a stop in front of Saoirse's door.

As soon as they were inside, Julian placed the case on the table and opened it. In the middle of some padding there lay a brown and tan sealskin rolled loosely to avoid creasing. Julian hesitantly reached toward it and let his fingers gently caress the skin. After a moment, he gingerly freed the skin from its case and unrolled it, a soft look of awe on his face as he wrapped it about his shoulders like a cape.

“What do you think?” Saoirse asked softly, pulling Julian's awareness back.

“It feels...right,” Julian said, still a little overwhelmed. “I know that sounds silly, but I don’t know how else to explain it.” Saoirse smiled at Julian as he refocused.

“No, I understand,” she said, her hand going to a pouch at her hip. “Your skin is part of you, as mine is part of me. I can’t imagine how you felt being without it for so long.”

Julian shivered. “Like part of my very being had been cut off.” He clutched at the edges of his skin, holding it closer to himself.

“Shall we try changing forms?” Saoirse prompted, opening the pouch and pulling out her own sealskin. Unlike Julian’s which was unprocessed, Saoirse’s skin had been cut and sewn into the shape of a short capelet that wrapped around her shoulders with a hood that fell loosely around her head. The question must have been evident on Julian’s face because she answered it without him asking. “Many Selkies get their skins made into tailored garments when they’re adults. It’s a sign of great trust since deliberate damage to the skin can cause a Selkie great pain, but if approached with care a skin can be turned into something more practical. Now,” she began, “to transform try to focus on shifting, on becoming a seal. Let the change flow from your heart and throughout your body.”

Julian closed his eyes, and when he opened them again he was much lower to the ground staring at a brown seal with unusual green eyes. The seal barked happily and waved. Julian went to wave back, only to notice that now instead of hands he had flippers.

–

They spent the rest of the afternoon switching back and forth between forms until it came as easily to Julian as breathing. The next day, Julian was busy with work and the station’s current crises, but the day after that they headed to the holosuite so that Julian could practice swimming in his seal form.

They would use Julian's beach program, since it had a robust underwater area for scuba diving, although Saoirse commented that the tropical setting was much warmer than their native waters.

Things went well for the most part; swimming returned naturally to Julian, but he kept finding himself distracted by thoughts of Garak, and it wasn't long before Saoirse noticed.

“What's on your mind?” she asked while they sat on the beach, taking a break from swimming in the holographic water to simply lounge around in Human form.

Julian glanced away, embarrassed at having attention called to his distraction. “I'm just thinking.”

“About?” Saoirse smirked and poked Julian's shoulder. “Come on, Julian, I'm your sister. I'll get the answer from you eventually.”

Julian let out an amused sigh. “Just because we're related doesn't mean I'll tell you everything.” When that did nothing to discourage Saoirse’s curious look, Julian gave in. “It's so much harder being on this side of things,” he mumbled. “Garak's out there and I just have to wait for him to come back.”

“Who is Garak?”

“He's the tailor whose shop blew up the day you arrived. He's off now investigating.” Julian hesitated, then confessed. “We're...lovers, I suppose would be the appropriate word. We never really got around to labeling this thing between us.”

“I'm sure he'll be back before you know it, Julian.”

“I hope you're right, Saoirse. I hope you're right.”

–

When Odo and Garak were rescued by the Defiant, Julian rushed Garak to sick bay as quickly as he could.

“I was so worried about you,” Julian confessed as he pressed a kiss to the newly-healed side of Garak's face. “And I missed you terribly.”

Garak gave Julian a fond look, but there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. “I missed you too, dear.”

Julian guided Garak into a proper kiss.

–

When they arrived on the station, Garak immediately went to the wreckage that used to be his shop, with Julian following behind him. Julian watched as Garak began to pick his way through the wreckage, looking to see what could be salvaged. But Garak raised a hand to stop Julian when Julian moved to join him.

“I need to do this myself,” Garak stated.

“Alright,” Julian replied quietly, not happy with the request, but willing to go along regardless. “I'm just a comm away if you need me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the epilogue left before this story is complete. Thank you for sticking with me.


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian's life continues in much the same direction, with some minor tweaks.

Years later, in a Dominion internment camp, Dr. Julian Bashir took out a sealskin cape and cradled it in his arms as he tried to sleep. It was a poor substitute for his usual comfort object, Kukalaka, or the soft scaley body of his lover, but it would have to make do. His fingers absently traced along the miniscule stitching that he’d requested Garak include rather than fusing the pieces together. It made the sealskin more like him, stitched together, but still holding strong.

“Is that some of Garak’s work?” The question came unbidden from across the room.

Julian turned his head slightly. Tain wore a faintly amused expression, the sort he often wore when he chose to initiate conversations with Julian.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Tain stated, not waiting for a reply. “I’m surprised the Dominion let you keep it. It seems so precious to you. It would make a useful prop.”

Briefly, Julian contemplated rolling over and attempting to sleep, but that likely wouldn’t stop Tain. Instead, he gave in and gave Tain what he wanted: information.

“Taking my sealskin would be more trouble than it’s worth. Better for the Changeling to just make their own.” Julian stood, knowing that it would be faster to demonstrate. “I’m a Selkie. We can shift between two forms: Human and Seal.” He wrapped the sealskin around himself and allowed his body to change. For a moment, a seal lay on the floor of the barracks, and then when Julian felt satisfied that his point had been made he changed back.

To his credit, Tain’s surprise didn’t show on his face, but he let it creep into his voice. “A Selkie? You’re quite the rarity in Starfleet.”

Julian nodded as he lay back down on his cot. He could tell Tain craved more information, but Julian was tired and felt he’d indulged the former spymaster plenty.

–

Julian wasn’t sure quite how long it had been when he was led back to the other prisoners, solitary confinement could wreak havoc with anyone’s sense of time, but then his eyes met Garak’s and that was all that mattered.

Garak was here. With any luck they’d be able to escape and Julian would be able to swim free once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea of Tain commenting on Julian's sealskin while in the camp was one of the earliest ideas for this fic, so I had to include it. Thank you to everyone who stuck with me while this story was coming out! I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
